Stuck in the Middle

It's the advent season. Christmas celebrates the coming of Christ the Savior. Jews longingly looked forward to the savior who would restore Israel (in a way they did not understand). Today Christians look forward to the second coming where Jesus will fulfill all His promises. In the meantime, we are in this middle phase where the Kingdom of God is now (ongoing) but not yet (fulfilled). The advent season reminds us to prepare our hearts for Christ's coming, and helps us to reframe the Christmas season about Jesus.

But this post is not about advent per se. It's about how we live in the "now but not yet" time period. What is convicting me lately is that God has a great calling and role for each of us in His grand story, and He offers that to us if we will follow Him. He told James and John, "follow me and I will make you fishers of men." He takes Simon (meaning fickle) and renames him Peter (rock), and builds the church on him. He takes the greatest opponent of Christianity of the time, Saul, and converts him to the greatest evangelist! Throughout the story of God, He takes weak, sinful people and calls them to something greater.

What if Peter would have said no? He was a fisherman. He probably enjoyed that lifestyle. He lived in a community, fished with family and friends. Why leave everything to follow looney Jesus at His word? That is the same question for us today. I'm learning that God requires radical obedience and full trust in Him. Right now I'm pretty happy with life. I'm in school learning interesting things. My marriage is strong. I'm feeling good about my running progress as I train for a marathon. Yet I find I'm lacking a deep community and connection with God right now. I don't have an answer for what God is currently doing in my life, and that bothers me. Is it because I'm not listening? Am I letting my happiness get in the way of deeper joy?

Jim Elliot was a missionary, devoted to bringing the Good News to an unreached Ecuadorian tribe. He and his companions were killed by the tribe, tragically, but it later resulted in the preaching of the Gospel to the tribe through his wife. He is famous for paraphrasing a Philip Henry quote as, "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." I believe this is the task for all of us, to take up our cross and follow Jesus. Will we lose some of our individuality in that process? I think so. We may even lose our lives, as Elliot did, but we will gain all that is Christ. We'll see the world through His eyes, and contribute to a mission that is greater than any personal objective.

That's where I currently stand. I have believed in and trusted Jesus for salvation and forgiveness for several years, but I'm not fully His yet. I'm stuck in the middle phase again - justified but not sanctified. I'm still a work in progress. Peter, who gave up his life to follow Jesus, denied being associated with Jesus three times the night of His trial. More importantly, though, God transformed His life to work for the Kingdom. My prayer is that soon I can communicate how God has transformed me to live for His mission rather than my own, but that scares me because I'll have to give up what I now love. I'm confident, though, that what He has for me is much greater. I'm like the rich young ruler who asks Jesus how to get eternal life, but leaves disappointed in Jesus's answer to sell all his possessions and to follow Him. What will God ask me to give up to follow Him? I hope He empowers me to say, "Yes, Lord."

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EDIT: After more reflection, I want to elaborate on my current thoughts. You see, I've recently been reflecting on the selfishness of my outdoor pursuits. I love being outside and I love being active. It is important for my personal health and makes me extremely happy. However, it often takes me away from connecting with people, especially in any deep way. Qualifying for Boston - personal ambition. How am I using that for the Kingdom? Projecting a hard rock climb - personal gratification. How am I showing Jesus to others? I wonder if at some point God might require me to give up some of that love of the outdoors, almost as a sort of grace to help me focus on Him more (like cutting off the hand that makes you sin).

Then I think back to how God has used the outdoors in my life, though. Through college, much of my formation came through the outdoors. Climbing and running has taught me so much, and my adventures have connected me with so many wonderful people. I got to know my wife through running. Working with the college outdoor rec program and Outward Bound shaped my future career trajectory. I know God has shaped me through the outdoors, and I have certainly connected to Him through the outdoors. His creation is meant to display and bring Him glory after all. Perhaps I've lost the way some though by making it too much about me and not others. When my outdoor pursuits become more focused on personal performance or landmarks or check boxes rather than on experiencing God and community, then I miss out on what He has for me. Wild at Heart speaks volumes about the call of wild in man, and how passionate people make the most difference. Likewise, John Piper has built a ministry on "Christian hedonism," which he defines as,

My shortest summary of Christian Hedonism is: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.
By Christian Hedonism, we do not mean that our happiness is the highest good. We mean that pursuing the highest good will always result in our greatest happiness in the end. We should pursue this happiness, and pursue it with all our might. The desire to be happy is a proper motive for every good deed, and if you abandon the pursuit of your own joy you cannot love man or please God.We all make a god out of what we take the most pleasure in. Christian Hedonists want to make God their God by seeking after the greatest pleasure—pleasure in him.

I'm left with the following then: We are most fulfilled in God, and God reveals Himself and speaks to each of us in unique ways (in addition to some general ways, including scripture). If I am finding and glorifying God in my outdoor pursuits, then that is healthy and good, right? I don't have to be a full time minster or missionary, right? The goal must remain for God to be my ultimate source of delight, though, in anything I do. With that, we all have tremendous freedom to seek Him and express my delight in Him in a plethora of healthy ways.