Priorities

My wife has been getting into the Enneagram lately. I haven't taken the test or read the book (mostly out of stubborn resistance to being labeled), but she's been trying to identify my number. She thinks I'm a one - sometimes called a "perfectionist." To be clear, I don't display OCD tendencies or beat myself up when things don't work out exactly as planned, but I think she's right. One manifestation of this personality for me is difficulties in making big decisions.

We all buy shoes, clothes, an occasional car, groceries. You ever stand in the bread aisle for 5 minutes deciding which bread has the best nutritional value for the money? I have. I will research running shoes for MONTHS before buying a new pair. I'm trying to maximize the bang for the buck. Sometimes I get it right and sometimes I have buyers remorse. I'm getting better, and I have realized that if I wait until I actually need something, I can make a good decision quickly and CHOOSE to accept my decisions. For instance, I needed a new car about a year ago. In rare form, I found and purchased a new one in about 2 weeks time. That's probably slow by some standards, but I could have taken YEARS to make that decision.

Buying things is pretty minor though. It's just a pair of shoes or even a car. There's not a lot to lose if the decisions doesn't work out. What about really big decisions though? Here lately, I've been doing a lot of budgeting and future planning, thinking about things like retirement, life insurance, saving for a house. Big decisions with big implications. It's stressin' me out y'all, and there's a good bit of "paralysis by analysis" trying to find the BEST decision.

How much do we need for retirement? 20% of income? 25%? How much life insurance should we buy? 20yr or 30yr? And how the heck can we buy a house AND save for retirement AND still live the life we want in the present?

So over the past few months I've been digging into these questions. I've read books, listened to podcasts, scoured the internet, and revised and revised budget. And I think I have finally found the answer - there is NOT a right answer. Really - I've sure looked at a lot of "expert" commentary, and it's all over the place. No wonder it stresses me out if it confuses everyone else too.

Strangely, the lack of a right answer is somehow liberating for me. HOW? Well, there is no right answer because all of our plans for the future are simply feeble attempts to control something uncontrollable. We're grasping at smoke. I don't know when I'll retire or die or what the rest of my life will look like. No matter what I choose, it will be a GUESS. A guess. I'm hinging my future stability on guesses! It's laughable actually. There's something like 25% chance I'll be dead by 67 (social security retirement age), and a similar chance of being disabled before then. I'm supposed to bet on whether I'll be alive or able to work? Pretty absurd right?

Here's the deal: we cannot and do not control the future, so we better get used to it. I'm trying to. A lot of that process is reminding myself of scriptures.

A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps. (Proverbs 16:9)

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. (Matthew 6:34)

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

We have a loving God who promises to take care of our future. He has already taken care of the past and is taking care of the present. This is not a recipe for laziness or a laissez faire attitude about responsibility. Rather it is a loosening of the chains, a shucking of the burden to control every aspect of our lives. Make the best decision you can, fully recognizing that ultimately the outcome is not in your hands.

So what am I gonna do about retirement planning? Well, I've run some comparison numbers - low and high estimates of need for retirement savings and life insurance. We'll probably settle somewhere in the middle with a strategy that will ensure we're taken care of in the future but will not enslave our ability to enjoy the present. We're made for eternity, which means our time here on earth is miniscule. Think about that. The way we spend our time, energy, and money reflect our hearts. Let's set our hearts on eternal things and let that inform our earthly priorities.