Thursday, May 19, 2016

Living a Dream or a Nightmare?


Ask yourself for one moment what your feelings have been on the eve of some act involving courage, whether it has been physical courage as it is commonly called, or moral or intellectual . . . what has happened to you? If it has really called forth courage, has it not felt something like this? 
I cannot do this. This is too much for me. I shall ruin myself if I take this risk. I cannot take the leap, it's impossible. All of me will be gone if I do this, and I cling to myself.
And then supposing the Spirit has conquered and you have done this impossible thing, do you find after that you possess yourself in a sense that you never had before? That there is more of you? . . . So it is throughout life . . . you know "nothing ventured nothing won" is true in every hour, it is the fibre of every experience that signs itself into the memory.
--J.N. Figgis
We had hiked for nearly 3 hours over boulders and through brush, following the magical rock pile cairns that appear out of nowhere. We had turned away from the "fast" 5th class "approach" already and were now looking at what was described as "the best option."

I beg to differ.

This option started with a smooth slab climbing out of the creek to a ledge. From that ledge overlooking the valley, we trended up along more exfoliating slabs. It was on that seemingly endless stretch of slabs, nearly losing my hat to the wind, that my emotions got the best of me. The upper walls seemed to crash down on me, while the rock under foot seemed to slide away to the abyss. The worst part was knowing there was no retreat. My only option was to keep shuffling into the unknown. And this was only the approach?!

One year ago, I found the Live Your Dream Grant and immediately sought to apply. I was in a bit of a dry spell regarding climbing. I had completed most of the first two years of pharmacy school, kept busy with studying, working, and organizational commitments. Even though I live just an hour from some of the best sport (and trad, I would argue) climbing in the world at the Red, I had not been climbing much. In fact, I had turned back to running to provide the challenge and activity I often crave. Qualifying for the Boston Marathon had become my focus, a goal towards which I worked for nearly 10 months. Coincidentally, the grant application was due about when I would run my qualifying race. I would need new goals after the race, and the pull of the vertical was growing strong again.

Qualifying for Boston in DC. Though I qualified, I did not make the time cutoff for registration which gave me more time to train for this climbing trip!

Blake and I started climbing at the same time in the same places with the same influences. We cut our teeth on Tennessee sandstone and learned to appreciate traditional climbing and on-sight style from our mentors. Some of my first climbs were multi-pitch trad at Lumpy Ridge. We both had our share of ignorant and sketchy newb situations. With that background, it's not surprising that we both developed a desire to climb bigger, badder routes.

My tick-list includes mountain routes, such as The Beckey-Chouinard in the Bugaboos, The Casual Route on Long's Peak, The Scenic Cruise in the Black Canyon, long free routes in Yosemite, routes on the Incredible Hulk in California, and ultimately routes in Patagonia. Climbing those routes seems like flying to the moon sometimes. Many of them require diverse skill sets - moving fast, simul-climbing, glacier travel, route finding, and a lot of general mountain sense. Those are skills that the single pitch routes of TN and KY and even the short multi-pitch of NC cannot develop.

Learning the ropes of multi-pitch climbing on an early trip to Lumpy Ridge

Red Rock Canyon in Nevada is a climber's playground, though, offering a smorgasbord of bouldering, single pitch, multi-pitch, aid, and adventure climbing with easy access from a major city. It seemed like the perfect location to take the next step in elevating our skills. Our big goals for the trip were to climb Levitation 29, Epinephrine, and maybe Inti-Watana; to avoid being caught in the dark; and to accumulate 5000 ft of vertical climbing over a week. We would take some rest days and fill out the week with shorter, easier climbing. This plan would provide lots of experience with long routes, efficient belay transitions, long approaches, navigating descents and rappels, and building a general tolerance for long days.

So if I was following my own plan, then why did I feel crippled by fear and anxiety?

Our week started by diving right into multipitch routes in Black Velvet Canyon. We climbed The Gobbler on the first afternoon followed by Sour Mash on day 2 for 10 pitches total of 5.9 and 5.10. We climbed well together and the routes were high quality, but I was not feeling great. Maybe it was the shady, windy canyon or maybe it was adapting to a new environment. Regardless, the prospect of climbing 10+ cold pitches on Epinephrine later in the week did not sound nice. I wasn't ready for that and had all but written it off by day 3. I needed some confidence boosting.

What a beautiful place with relatively easy access.

Blake following an upper pitch of Sour Mash, I believe.

On the following day, our rest day, we hiked into Oak Creek Canyon to scout Levitation 29. Despite being several letter grades harder than Epinephrine, the relative shortness, bolted nature, and ability to retreat made it much more appealing than Epinephrine. Despite nearly breaking down on the approach, we made it to the wall, and I was ready to hoof our gear right back down! In what I consider the first of God's mercies, we met Dave and Erin, two Canadians rappelling Levitation. Their energy, encouragement, and kindness of showing us an easier approach (the 3rd, long and slow option by the giant pines) was just the nudge I needed to leave our rack and rope at the base.

One of the few relaxing moments on our exhausting "rest day."
I had to force this smile big time.

That night, I struggled to dig into my anxiety and fear, and I prayed hard. I asked for safety and protection but mostly peace of mind, so that I could fully engage my surroundings. This following verse brought me much comfort, and I wrote it on my arm as a reminder.
Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary. Isaiah 40:31 (NASB)
The next day found us back at the base after a 4:30am wakeup. Our snack break put us 2nd in line behind Ryan and Jake from CO, but those turkey and avocado wraps hit the spot. Over the next 6 hours, we climbed and rappelled the first 7 (and supposedly most worthwhile) pitches. The weather was perfectly sunny and calm, the setting stupendous, and the climbing high quality and fun. We could not have envisioned a better day (except for aiding the crux)! Our ascent was even christened by a couple stunt planes diving through the canyon. They made climbing look boring! Climbing Levitation was the jumpstart I needed. In my daily call to my wife, I could finally say, "I'm having fun!"

Approaching Levitation as the sun makes its appearance in Oak Creek Canyon. We basked in the sun all day.
This photo makes our 3rd class approach look terrifying. You'll have to trust me it is much easier than it looks and much more mellow than the 1st two options in the Handren guide. The two giant pines marking the start of the slabs can be spotted off Blake's right shoulder. They truly are massive and really stand out.
Blake getting started on the somewhat tricky first pitch.
Blake following somewhere mid route. The route starts so high, so we really felt out there. The position is pretty spectacular. Only if he'd worn better colors...

Cruising and feeling good mid route.

That's the crux coming up - fist jam to THIN face.

Can we be done now? I was really pleased to climb all of my leads on-sight, including the P2 11a roof and some 10ds.

Excited to have accomplished our goal! We rappelled after P7, feeling content with climbing the best pitches and not desiring to walk off.

Having started so early, we had plenty of time to leisurely hike out, shower, and chow down in town.

Having accomplished one of our big goals and feeling pretty wrecked from the 12 hours of hiking over the past 2 days, we slept in and spent the day cragging. What a contrast! The second pullout felt like the Mecca of spring breakers. In fact, climbing felt like a spectator sport at times, as more people seemed to be standing around than climbing. I have no complaints about the climbing, though. The short routes of the Gallery and the shady routes of Sweet Pain Wall were a lot of fun. The best part of the day, though, was chowing down on the remainder of my CHICKEN PARMESAN STROMBOLI from the night before. Fried chicken covered in melted cheese and marinara sauce baked into a hearty loaf of deliciousness. I'm pretty sure every other climber was jealous (as they should have been). That's my ringing endorsement for Mark Rich's Pizza down the road. Getcha some!

Special delivery! Sending fuel.

At that point in the trip, we were starting to find our groove. We finally developed a knack for understanding where to climb based on the sun/shade conditions. Moreover, I think we both desired to do something a little more adventurous than Levitation 29 and the face routes of Black Velvet Canyon. Adventure Punks caught our attention. It's 5 pitches are almost entirely trad protected and run through several crack systems, all at a consistent 5.10 grade. The most notable pitches bookend the route. Pitch 1 starts with a 5.9 slab runout to a hollow flake, and pitch 5 finishes with an offwidth (supposedly great if you have the gear).

I told my partner, Blake, the night before that I would not lead the first pitch. I'm not about decking high above a valley, several miles back in a drainage. He volunteered, a decision I think he later regretted. Ultimately, we decided to take an alternate crack start to the left of the first pitch that led to the same anchor. It was certainly not as aesthetic as the P1 flake system, but it had (OK) gear. The trail of blood drips we followed all the way to the base of the route may have impacted that decision. Yikes.

Mescalito is such an adorable little cone. Who wouldn't want to climb it? Adventure Punks is down the left canyon on the left wall.

This hike felt short and mellow compared to the slog down Oak Creek.

The climb begins on the small ledge in the bottom half of the photo and works up to the thin flake system. There's no nice way to put it; the flakes are NOT bomber and a fall could be pretty ugly. We took the crack system on the left that angles in above the flake system. It certainly was not a stellar pitch either, but the leader would not take a ground fall. The rest of route climbs the left facing corner above, though it's far from a pure "crack" climb.

Surprisingly, Adventure Punks was one of my favorite experiences of the trip. The climbing was not especially exceptional or even straight forward. The rock was often friable or hollow. The gear was frequently thought-provoking and sparse. Despite all these challenges, I really enjoyed the route. In fact, I think the challenges and my responses are what made the route fulfilling. I had been anxious and tense up until Levitation. Now with some confidence and comfort, I was finally embracing difficulties. In describing the route to our wonderful campsite companions, Steve and Kelly from Tahoe, I used the term "engaging." Adventure Punks brought the best out of me and required me to channel the focus described in Arno Ilgner's The Rock Warrior's Way. For example, the last pitch we did, pitch 4, finished with an aesthetic 5.10 finger crack. When reaching the finger crack, I was almost out of gear and still had about 25 feet to go. I was able to wiggle in a medium size stopper at the bottom of the crack and then a tiny, 0.1 BD X4 cam a few feet higher. This was the decision point. I could hang. I could downclimb. Or I could push on. All at once, I was committed and moving, replacing thought (and fear) with action. Climbing the last few meters high above that small cam to clip the chains was the most rewarding pitch of the trip for me.

Pitch three may be the most crack of the four pitches we climbed, following a finger size dihedral.

One full day remained. We had already achieved some of our goals, including climbing Levitation 29, doing some adventurous trad climbing, practicing efficiency, and covering lots of ground. As we ate dinner with Steve and Kelly, we considered some long routes and potential linkups. Steve told us about his past experiences and favorite climbs. About 9pm, as we were wrapping up the evening, the call came. I wanted to climb Epinephrine. Feeling like an addict or someone going back to an abusive relationship, I broke the news to Blake. All week we had found reasons to not climb Epi. It had been cold and windy, but the temps for the following day were near 80. It was LONG - double the length of anything else we had done, but we had been moving well together. Were we volunteering to suffer? In some ways, I think the spontaneous decision was beneficial for my mental state. We hurriedly packed our bags and got to bed for our 4:30am alarms without much time for anticipation.

Nothing gets a body going in the morning like some epinephrine. 

Epinephrine was full value. We ended up 3rd in line, beat again by Ryan and Jake from Levitation. Due to some delays, stuck gear, and general slowness of chimney climbing, we did not get on the wall until 8am. The first 6 pitches through the chimneys went smoothly, if slowly. I drew the 2nd, crux chimney, which required calf-pumping feet-to-back stemming. The pitch was actually fun, including underclinging around a large flake and then pulling through a flaring, overhanging crack. Again, I found myself with slim pickins for gear as I approached the belay. With no hand pieces or slings left for the final crack, I settled for a stopper clipped with my scavenged nut-tool carabiner and hoped the rope wouldn't pull it out.

Blake following the long middle chimney which can be broken into two pitches, if desired. It was really fun climbing with good gear. I appreciated having a #5 through the bottom section.
To be honest, much of the climbing blends together. The chimneys were physical, as always, and the climbing above was pretty easy with high exposure. The overall experience was exceptional and the best way to end the trip. The ascent took us ~10hrs, done in 12 pitches, plus simul-climbing to the last traverse. [Note: There are no anchor bolts for the last two belays. Simply head forward and right from the top of vertical climbing on the path of least resistance on mostly 3rd and 4th class around the corner to the catwalk before the finish tree. We simuled with minimal gear in gritty rock.] It was there that I had another Jesus moment. The traverse was much easier than it looked but both the preceding "5.4 step" and the finishing traverse are incredibly exposed, no-fall, YOU'RE GONNA DIE (if you slip) terrain. I knew I just had to get to the tree, and then it would be over. It felt good to finally stand on a summit!

At the TOP!

Whatever happens to these logs?

Made it to the main canyon trail as the sun set, avoiding any wandering in the dark. The party behind us did not make it down until 1:30am. I'm sure they are tougher for it.

About 1h 45mins later, we were back at the car, just after sunset. The rest of the evening consisted of downing some beers, gorging on Mexican food, and appreciating our full-body soreness. A solid night's sleep and some easy cragging the next day rounded out a phenomenal trip.

Already I can sense my memories and emotions morphing and shifting. The anxiety, fear, and uncertainty are slowly yielding to fonder memories and fulfillment. I wondered all week about what adventure means to me and its place in my climbing. This was my vacation, and I spent much of it learning how to suffer. Is that what I really want? "Type 2 fun" was the name of the game. That's exactly what I signed up for, though. The purpose of the trip was to help me develop the skills and mindset for tackling big, long routes in hostile environments. In that regard, this trip provided everything I desired and more. It challenged me in ways I did not expect (mostly exposure). I imagine spending more time on exposed 4th class terrain is the only way to overcome that discomfort.

My weekends this spring  and summer at the Red most likely won't be filled with groveling up offwidths or bushwacking to find the obscure and forgotten routes. I have some nice splitters and clip-ups to tackle first. In a little time, though, once the scary moments have faded some more, I will be yearning for some more struggle. It's too early to even say what is next, but somewhere there is a challenge waiting for me to heed the call.

I want to thank the American Alpine Club for supporting this trip through the Live Your Dream Grant. How cool that an organization helps fund both groundbreaking alpine first ascents and the average Joe's climbing trip.  I will definitely remain a member and encourage you to join AND apply! I know I gained more from this trip than I even know at this point and look forward to applying on future big climbs!

The Climbing Details

  • Day 1 - The Gobbler, 10-, 3 pitches
  • Day 2 - Sour Mash, 10-, 7 pitches
  • Day 3 - Levitation 29 approach scouting, 
  • Day 4 - Levitation 29, 11c, 7 pitches
  • Day 5 - Rest/Cragging - Calico Hills, 2nd Pullout
      • The Gallery
      • Sweet Pain Wall
  • Day 6 - Adventure Punks, 10b, 4 pitches
  • Day 7 - Epinephrine, 9, 12 pitches
  • Day 8 - Cragging - Calico Basin
      • Cannibal Crag

What I Learned

  • How to trail and rappel with a tagline
  • Keeping an organized belay with multiple ropes
  • Coiling ropes in saddlebag fashion is very useful for windy days
  • Hanging belays are a pain. Try to avoid them.
  • Don't fight the conditions. When it's cold, climb in the sun. When it's hot, find the shade.
  • Don't pass a nice rappel station. Investigate the best rappel options before the climb.
  • Beware parties above you and falling gear
  • On approaches, retrace your footsteps if unsure
  • It takes some time to get acclimated to a new place


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