Believe it or not, I have been active over the last few weeks. I have not posted a whole lot due to business and lack of a real goal to work towards. I really should sit down and think about that. Besides climbing last weekend, I have a been running fairly regularly. I have gotten in a few days per week the last couple and am feeling pretty good. On Monday, I had my first tough run since the 50k. We went about 8miles under 8:00 pace. I felt unusually tired and sore for that effort - probably a result of still being in recovery from Mist. I hope to get more trail running in along with some long runs with friends who are training for the Country Music Marathon. I would like to run it, or the half, but the desire is not strong enough. It is also expensive. One day I would like to do a flat marathon and attempt to BQ. Finally, this weekend will be pretty busy. I have a Grand Canyon practice hike with my group Saturday. We are going to do about 7miles with full packs. THEN, it is Valentine's Day!! I'm really looking forward to that. ;) I am leading a beginner climbing trip to King's Bluff on Sunday. It should be great and afford me the opportunity to get in a lot of leading.
The Meat and Taters
The real jist of this post is about a book I have begun reading. It is "Wild At Heart" by John Eldredge. It is a Christian book about the soul of man. In a nutshell, it proposes that God gave men a heart for adventure and excitement. The author celebrates battle, fighting, the outdoors, and manual labor. I will use my blog as a sounding board here for a few days as I read and digest the material.
I was hesitant to even read the book. Even the way I describe it turns me off. DON'T MISUNDERSTAND ME. This book is about masculinity in its true form. It does not celebrate or encourage being machismo or cocky. It is about knowing God and understanding His nature reflected in us. I do not consider myself a warrior - atleast not in the traditional sense. My thoughts follow:
I am grateful for what God has done in my life. Although I am just now realizing and analyzing some of these "masculine" desires such as a yearning for adventure, excitement, the desire to be a knight in shining armor for some woman, my soul and heart have been developed in a subconsciuos way throughout my life. I believe I have been set on a solid path and pointed in a good direction without me even realizing it. For that, I am amazed and thankful.
Let me elaborate. When I was a toddler, I was somewhat defiant. I pushed down other kids, told my father "no" often and was always asking "Why?". A part of me has always disliked being labeled - put in a box. I especially dislike being forced into something. For example, in high school, I was dating an older girl who I met in ROTC. Between uniform inspections, I would grow out my limited chin hair (hardly a beard) and she encouraged it. My ROTC instructors, however, did not approve. After several weeks of warning and confrontation, it all came to a head when the head instructor, retired Marine Corps Lt. Colonel, called me in for a "one-sided discussion." He basically gave me an ultimatum to shave or leave the program. I told him that I understood and respected his rules and authority and would oblige but that I disagreed strongly with it. I went on to be the commander of the unit which was named #1 NJROTC in the Country 2006.
From the age of five I have played sports. I played about 10 years of baseball, 12 years of football, 4 years of track and 2 of basketball. I credit sports - and largely my father who coached me most of those years - for molding my personality. They taught me hard work, how to succeed gracefully and how to deal with and overcome failure. They instilled in me a spirit of competition and confidence. It is vital for a boy, man, and every one to know that he has inside him what is necessary to accomplish his goals. I was not always successful but I could go into a sport or event or competition fearless. Still to do this day I am able to confront challenges without fear or very much anxiety at all. I credit years of working hard in sports for proving to myself that I can do it. When a person is confident in their ability, taking risks for an adventure is a lot easier. That is what allowed me to join the varsity basketball team as a senior with only 7th grade experience. I wasn't good, hardly played, and didn't even have fun by the end of it, but I went into it head first because it was something I wanted to do. Lately I've learned to apply that persistence to women. The author highlights that women yearn to be desired and really pursued. As a man, I sometimes want the easy way out. I want to tell her right away, "I like you. Let's date." Instead, I've learned to be patient and persistent in my pursuit of woman. It is one of the most challenging things for most men, I think. Women are scary.
My life has taken some pretty wild turns within the last couple years. I mean, my development as an individual and especially as a Christian man has come a long way. Without me even knowing it, I have been following the deep call of my heart for adventure. I have known that I want something different and new and exciting, but I have never really delved into the source of that desire - until now. First, I left high school, my family, and my hometown to come to Nashville, TN. While still writing application essays, I planned to reinvent myself in a way in college. The fresh slate offered the opportunity for me to be a more adventurous, more friendly, more open person, and a more loving and devoted follower of God. I was in charge of my life and the direction of it for the first time. I started taking up new hobbies. Since I graduated high school I have done all of the following activities for the first time: cycling, climbing, backpacking, whitewater paddling, long distance running, caving, playing mandolin, and probably more. I've tried out new churches, met new people, pursued women. It has been an adventure every step of the way - and I love that. How can I answer when someone asks why I rock climb, or run a 50k, or don't shower for 7 days in the Grand Canyon? Because I can. Because those things are there for our enjoyment. I need to push myself. From Adam forward we are to enjoy God's creation. Adam lost his adventure and boldness when he idly let Eve consume the forbidden fruit (and then followed). Abraham was a faithful man who moved wherever God commanded, but he twice said his wife was his sister to protect himself.*
The toughest part about realizing and seeking this true form of masculinity is committing to it for the long haul. I'm 21 years old, full of energy and potential. I have the whole world at my door step. If I'm going to be an adventurous individual, I'd better make that decision now! I don't want to fall into the norms of the corporate workplace. I will not become a slave to work and money, simply following daily routine. No, I want myself, my wife, and my children to experience life to the fullest. The author quotes William Wallace (Mel Gibson) saying, "All men die; few men ever really live." That is pretty corny and comes from the stereotypical man movie, Braveheart, but it rings true. As does the cliche "Get busy livin' or get busy dyin'." That doesn't mean that I can't be adventurous and work a normal job. It just means I had better not get caught up in it. I am a chemical engineering major, but I don't enjoy it and don't want to do it. I might pursue a career in environmental engineering, consulting, sustainability or something on that "green" bandwagon. Or maybe I'll go to Africa for a couple years or be a park ranger or something completely unforeseen.
God took the biggest risk of all in creating us. He gave us free will to choose life with Him or without, to eat that fruit or not, and we failed Him. But the story doesn't end there thankfully. Like a real warrior, a real knight in shining armor, He is persistent and pursues us and fights for us every step of the way, even when we refuse Him. And then there is Jesus. He is not passive. He is a an adventurer and a rebel, boldly proclaiming the love of His father and condemning the hypocrisy of the pharisees. He was brave enough to willingly die for that same brood of vipers and for you and me.
I will most likely write again as I work through the book. All this comes from the first quarter maybe. Forgive me if anything I say seems egotistical; my intention is solely to use my own experiences to make a case and not to brag. Also, don't get too impressed with anything I say. It is all inspired by the book, Wild at Heart, especially the (**) section, and by my journey with God. Likewise, if you find anything offensive or incorrect, you can blame me (and please let me know).
To all 3 of you who may read this, thanks. :)
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